Posts Tagged ‘frustrations’

Lost

Posted: August 26, 2010 in thoughts
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We all have lost our ways while looking for a house, office, dinner etc…. we get all hyped cause we don’t know which way to go and people around keep giving directions which don’t take you to your destination.

When sitting alone we give our thoughts the freedom to get lost into to the web of events from the past. I don’t know how many of you have completely lived alone but I had once and I was all alone on my own for days with only the Tiffin boy getting me food and the morning trip 1km walk to the chaiwala and buying ciggis with having to say only Ek cutting dena…. Do packet wills dena… and then on only me myself and my other self.

Sitting out on a balcony and looking to a hill where occasionally a bird fly’s by and the shrubs and small trees sway to the wind. The whole housing complex would go dead by 11am and it would be peacefully lonely for a long time. You sit there with the breeze in your hair and stories of the past in your head. Pondering upon the What Ifs and Will do that’s … you pass each hour in minutes and realize that people are heading back home and it fills with the sounds of the scooters and cars into the parking lots and you head back to the couch but end up starring at the mirror and talking to your self. Being lost is such a wonderful feeling you make the time stop and freeze each pane of your memory till you have brought it back to life with your eyes closed making a little movie of your own.

Soon the days get longer and being lost turns into self talking with using difference tones to each emotion making you realize that you need to step out meet people or you would lose yourself somewhere deep down inside…. Step out, interact, laugh without cause, drink, smoke, friends give you details of their new ventures and then the inevitable way back home all alone… some how the journey back is always longer.

Now you fear the fact you gona be alone and all by your own thoughts… suddenly being lost comes true for you cant find your way out and the directions you getting are all wrong it leads you to nowhere….. you are LOST in your own web of thoughts. being lost is not an option

left alone

Talk….

Posted: August 14, 2010 in thoughts
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I am blessed for everyone loves to talk to me share their deep thoughts, tell me about their short falls or even their happy ones.
All that I have heard or said why can’t I make it applicable to my own chain of smoked filled thoughts.
I just can’t cry anymore or get stressed or feel low when iam with the outside world, deep alone in thoughts I sullk dry causing the ashes of my burnt thoughts to fill me up but its all dry.
I wana talk too I wana say things too for I swear I hurt a lot too, belive me I can cry too this smile is not always true its a coverup so the dews drops don’t moist the ashes inside for I fear being sucked into it like quicksand yet I wana talk too.
I may not give reasons or paint a detailed picture I just wana talk, just say things randomly not make sense mostly bable on yet I wana talk too.

sides

Posted: August 12, 2010 in thoughts
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we always have to take sides. In traffic left side, political sides, mother or wifes side, kids or teachers side, poor or very poors side, logical or dil ka side, friends or collegues side, dad or car sales man side….. Freakish sidey life….. i wana be the superhero not a kick by the side….